Emily Heller

Comedian, Writer, Protagonist

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Hey! @lisadraws and I are doing a Reddit AMA in half an hour!!!!



So my facebook friend just posted this pic with this text….

Well, I just witnessed blatant racial injustice with my own eyes. I was getting in my car after exiting a store when a young black man stumbled past me and collapsed against the store wall. When I got out to see if he was okay, a group of white people came rushing over, one of whom was a 20-something white woman who declared in distress, “I ran a red light and hit him with my car!” People immediately assured her that SHE would be okay, meanwhile the young man is writhing in pain on the ground, pants leg torn, tears running down his face. When the police arrived and the young woman explained what happened, it was suggested to her that maybe the light had been yellow and that the young man had “darted out into the street into her path.” I was floored. I said, “But she just SAID she ran the red light and hit him in the intersection!” 

The police officers then led the young woman away and began talking with her privately in low tones. When the paramedics FINALLY got there I was surprised at the hostility they showed towards the young man. One blonde female EMT (shown in the photo) suggested that he couldn’t be THAT hurt if he was able to walk from the place where he was struck to the sidewalk where he finally collapsed. White bystanders commented several times about “What that poor girl must be going through.” I was the only one who commented on what the young man must be going through, what, with his mangled leg and all. I am absolutely positive that in the end “that poor girl” will be absolved of all wrongdoing and be able to go on her merry way. After all, she just ran a red light and slammed her car into the body of some black kid on a bike, right?

And people wonder why black people are so angry and want to break shit.

friendly reminder that studies have shown that white people do not empathize with Black people and we (including medical personel) also think Black people feel less pain

This is horrifying

(via thedirtyoldgentleman)

Saturday night you can find me in San Francisco, telling jokes and stuff!!!


Same Sex Symbol is #3 on Billboard! KEEP IT GOING BUY ON ITUNES!


We’ve got another hot one next Monday! With Nate Bargatze, Ali Wong, and the Lucas Brothers! UCB Theater, 11 pm

Poster art by Lisa Hanawalt!

Seriously though, y’all - COME TO THIS DANG SHOW

Hey Toronto-ans but mostly Drake: here are my shows for JFL42!! Next week!!!


Just an fyi…

(via billmurraysstalker)

We’ve got another hot one next Monday! With Nate Bargatze, Ali Wong, and the Lucas Brothers! UCB Theater, 11 pm

Poster art by Lisa Hanawalt!

To everyone in SF who has been asking when I’m coming back: this is when.


Got my first modeling gig for doodlebug tshirt and @danadearmond #doodlebug #theinternetsgirlfriend #danadearmond #cat #cats #scruff #rentboy #arms #model (at Meltdown Comics & Collectibles)

I don’t remember mocking Ed in this picture but I have to assume that’s what was happening