Emily Heller

Sorry for the wait, guys!!!

Fri, 01 Jun 2012 20:11:17 -0400

Sorry for the wait, guys!!!

withreservation: Whiplash - Leo Allen, Hannibal Buress, Baron...

Wed, 23 May 2012 11:35:01 -0400

Baron Vaughn

Baron Vaughn

Hannibal Buress

Langhorne Slim

Emily Heller

Mike Drucker

Langhorne Slim

Leo Allen

Sharron Paul, Phil Hanley

withreservation:

Whiplash - Leo Allen, Hannibal Buress, Baron Vaughn, Mike Drucker, Langhorne Slim - May 21, 2012

I’m in here somewhere!

I <3 Alex Koll.

Sun, 13 May 2012 16:37:06 -0400

So happy to have started this and many other fights

davetotheross:

I got in a “twitter war” with Alex Koll recently, because he took my avatar, and that’s FUCKED UP. He whipped my ass, by the by, with these two animated gifs. Didn’t think the world should go without seeing ‘em.

Alex is fucking hilarious, by the way. Buy his album.

What does it sound like really when doves cry?

Sat, 12 May 2012 14:48:17 -0400

May 8th at the Afterlife!

Tue, 08 May 2012 10:10:00 -0400

theafterlifecomedy:

TONIGHT! 8:30 sharp!

Jamie Lee

Josh Rabinowitz

Myq Kaplan

Hosted by Emily Heller and featuring George Gordon!

she wears short skirts i wear t-shirts she’s cheer captain and Ｉ’ ＭＴＨＥ　ＤＡＲＫ　ＬＯＲＤ　ＳＡＴＡＮ

Sun, 06 May 2012 23:54:00 -0400

she wears short skirts

i wear t-shirts

she’s cheer captain and

Ｉ’ ＭＴＨＥ　ＤＡＲＫ　ＬＯＲＤ　ＳＡＴＡＮ　

This is a photo Jakub Moser took of me from a show I did at the...

Thu, 03 May 2012 14:45:00 -0400

This is a photo Jakub Moser took of me from a show I did at the ~~Exploratorium~~ California Academy of Sciences last summer. PLANTS!

"Bring a thick skin, and a dictionary."

Thu, 03 May 2012 12:32:00 -0400

“Bring a thick skin, and a dictionary.”

- Kinky sex party, or Nato Green’s album recording next week? YOU WILL HAVE TO GO TO THE NEW PARISH TO FIND OUT! 1/2 priced tickets here.

Five years ago, Donny let me down.

Tue, 01 May 2012 10:00:00 -0400

Thanks to the new Facebook feature where, when someone messages you, it shows you every message you’ve ever sent them, I end up skipping down memory lane a lot. Just kidding. It barely ever happens. HOWEVER, today I did happen to find this conversation from… oh, five years ago, between me and my friend Donny. At the time, he was a competitive college tennis player whose career as a student was about to end. He had one tournament left. for which there would be a number of spectators. Apparently, I was trying to get him to do some fun TENNIS PRANKS during his last game and I sent him some ideas:

EMILY: ok, one round you should yell “fore” after every time you hit it. like golf.

another round you should say “yes” after each time.

another round you should just shout random words every time. examples/suggestions: “tomato. potato. pepper. popper. pickle. tingle. rascal. thing. thong. cisco.” word association.

ok that’s all i got. what do you think.

His response:

DONNY: I think these are very funny ideas. If I yelled “fore” everytime after i hit a ball, that means I would yell “fore” at least a thousand times throughout one match. If I said tomato, potato, pepper or pickle, the coach would have a talk with me after the match, and suggest counseling. He’d think my mind is not on the match, but on a grocery list.

I also want to scotchtape a couple of batteries to my arm. Eventually my opponent will notice batteries taped to my body, because when I am losing, I’ll change the batteries, look him in the eye and say “just charging up”.

I also want spurs on the back of my tennis shoes. A flask to drink my water from. And put speakers in my tennis racquet, so every time I hit the ball, the sound of a shotgun is heard.

And my final response:

EMILY: ok i was with you until the speaker thing and now i think that you are just not considering any of these as plausible. that is disappointing to me, donny. you don’t have to be strict about the fores… you could just do it ten times in a row and that would be enough. and i don’t think it would be thousands.

what do you really want to yell, donny? what’s inside of you?

HE NEVER DID ANY OF THEM!!!!

Mike Lawrence is gonna be on the Afterlife tomorrow and...

Mon, 30 Apr 2012 13:31:53 -0400

Mike Lawrence is gonna be on the Afterlife tomorrow and I’m really excited. He even did a set on Conan to practice for our show!

So is Nore Davis.

8:30 pm start time. No cover!

Photo

Sun, 29 Apr 2012 16:22:31 -0400

Photo

Sun, 29 Apr 2012 11:46:03 -0400

get funky, go fam

Mon, 23 Apr 2012 11:03:27 -0400

get funky, go fam

AWKWARD!!! Me and Nore Davis showed up to our show last night...

Fri, 20 Apr 2012 15:53:00 -0400

AWKWARD!!! Me and Nore Davis showed up to our show last night wearing the same outfit and playing the same gameboy!!

countryandwestern: Dolly Parton by Jenny Hart

Fri, 20 Apr 2012 14:32:56 -0400

countryandwestern:

Dolly Parton by Jenny Hart

tuesday, april 17th

Tue, 17 Apr 2012 12:53:11 -0400

theafterlifecomedy:

Immortality

with George Gordan

+ Eliza Skinner

+ Justy Dodge

+ Pat Dixon

+ Raj Sivaraman

hosted by Emily Heller

8:30pm at the Sidewalk</p

If you need me I’ll be enjoying some nice relaxing blackface twitter.com/MrEmilyHeller/… —...

Tue, 10 Apr 2012 12:52:08 -0400

If you need me I’ll be enjoying some nice relaxing blackface twitter.com/MrEmilyHeller/…
— Emily Heller (@MrEmilyHeller) April 10, 2012

hotwingsandbeer: One of the best gifs...

Tue, 10 Apr 2012 10:39:02 -0400

hotwingsandbeer:

One of the best gifs ever.

thegrandarchives:

AWTHOME!!!

This is a pretty good checklist for your next party.

Mon, 09 Apr 2012 11:41:45 -0400

This is a pretty good checklist for your next party.

It's Betty, Bitch!

Tue, 03 Apr 2012 11:21:00 -0400

While watching this week’s Mad Men, it struck me that Betty Draper Francis has a LOT in common with Britney Spears. Allow me to explain with pictures!!! (SPOILER ALERT - some Season 4 ish)

1. They both started out very young, blonde, and beautiful. And in show business (Britney as… well, Britney, and Betty as a model). There they learned that their sexuality and beauty was their most valuable asset.

2. They both had what seemed like fairy-tale romances that eventually fell apart. They also both met their loves in the workplace - Brit at Disney, Betty on a modeling gig.

3. They both ended up with a couple kids that they can’t seem to take care of.

Britney’s parenting problems are overly scrutinized, while Betty’s overwhelmed agitation isn’t really dealt with.

4. They both started showing signs of mental instability.

5. They both started acting out sexually. Probably borne out of a struggle to figure out their worth when their beauty didn’t buy them the life they wanted, and with no other tools in their toolbox… they both started “taking out [their] freak tonight,” with Betty even going all the way-ay-ay with some dude at a bar.

6. Their first loves both had a slew of other young, gorgeous partners.

Not even comprehensive (for either dude).

7. They both ended up with older men.

Yeah, Jason Trawick isn’t THAT old, but he does have 10 years on Britney.

and of course…

8. They both gained some weight.

(not gonna post a fat Britney pic, but they’re not hard to find)

So, what’s my point? I don’t know. But this seems a little deliberate, and definitely very sad. Both figures seem like victims of circumstance, expectation, and misogyny. And maybe Betty is gonna cut a video with one of the dudes from Half Baked, God willing.

Emily Heller

Sorry for the wait, guys!!!

withreservation: Whiplash - Leo Allen, Hannibal Buress, Baron...

I <3 Alex Koll.

What does it sound like really when doves cry?

May 8th at the Afterlife!

she wears short skirts i wear t-shirts she’s cheer captain and Ｉ’ Ｍ ＴＨＥ ＤＡＲＫ ＬＯＲＤ ＳＡＴＡＮ

This is a photo Jakub Moser took of me from a show I did at the...

"Bring a thick skin, and a dictionary."

Five years ago, Donny let me down.

Mike Lawrence is gonna be on the Afterlife tomorrow and...

Photo

Photo

get funky, go fam

AWKWARD!!! Me and Nore Davis showed up to our show last night...

countryandwestern: Dolly Parton by Jenny Hart

tuesday, april 17th

If you need me I’ll be enjoying some nice relaxing blackface twitter.com/MrEmilyHeller/… —...

hotwingsandbeer: One of the best gifs...

This is a pretty good checklist for your next party.

It's Betty, Bitch!

she wears short skirts i wear t-shirts she’s cheer captain and Ｉ’ ＭＴＨＥ　ＤＡＲＫ　ＬＯＲＤ　ＳＡＴＡＮ